Darren Doo says Darren Don’t
Day 3 only and it feels like i’ve been on vacation for weeks. We started off with garlic rice for breakfast again. It’s so normal to have rice and meat for breakfast out here. No complaints, but considering I typically don’t have breakfast, this is a big adjustment. I’m almost certain I will be 10 pounds heavier when I get back. God, I hope I’m wrong.
We ended up hiring the same crew from the day before. It consisted of a local named Mario,two of his boys and one other fellow. We headed back out to the waters to do a little fishing. The plan was to catch lots of fish and have Mario pick up prawns, crab, clams, squid, and a bevy of other seafood items for a huge bbq lunch. Well, fishing was a relatively big success. Lisa’s cousin, Cheryl was the first of us to catch a fish. I believe hers was the biggest one. It was probably about 7-8 inches long. Lisa caught one next, and then Wes caught two. The game was on. I didn’t want to be last at catching a stupid fish. Becky basically said fuck it, ‘I don’t need to catch anything’. Mainly because she was a big scaredy cat and didn’t like the idea of touching any fish. I think we’re gonna have to take away her ‘badass’ title because she’s afraid of everything. Darren, being Darren, didn’t care either and quit. He ended up snorkeling again. I stayed on the boat and eventually caught a tiny little tropical fish. I don’t even know if you can eat those cause they are tiny and they look like Nemo’s. The lunch feast that they prepared was great. The crab and prawns were spectacular. The crab was unlike anything I had tasted before. The texture was soft and juicy. I thought it was the best part of the meal. I think the whole morning (fishing, snorkeling, eating) worked out to about $16 a person and it lasted about 4 hours. What a smokin ass deal.
We headed back to the resort after several hours and rounded up 6 ladies to give us massages. For about $7-8, we each had an hour long massage. We laid out on the beach side-by-side and let them oil us up for some deep tissue massages. It was pretty good except when I rolled over on my back to let her massage my face, I could tell that she had a bit of an odour problem. That kinda ruined the whole experience for me. It was definitely no Salma Hayek (yeah, I know she’s hispanic and not Philippino), but it woulda been that much more enjoyable if it was. You get what you paid for and I guess you cannot expect much more for the price point, although no one else said that their masseuse stank like B.O.. We will probably get them to give us another massage bright and early in the morning; like around 7am. I just hope that I don’t get stuck with the same one as yesterday, or hopefully she’s had a shower by morning. Since we leave around noon tomorrow, we gotta get as much done as possible. We still haven’t experienced the manicure and pedicures either (I’m not gay and besides, it’s Wes that really really wants it more than anyone else).
Some how, we managed to get a colony of ants to show up in our room. They were crawling around right next to my bed and it turns out that we might have brought them into our room cause they were crawling all over this picnic style basket that we had been using for snacks. It was freakin gross and we needed to call in room service to fix the problem. They came in a sprayed the counter with bug spray and it pretty much disintegrated the ants. I’m not surprised cause the aerosol spray they used was clearly toxic. The smell was brutal. They also changed the bed sheets and I’m pretty sure the ant problem was gone, but I still wasn’t going to sleep there. So we ended up playing a game of paper, scissor, rock to see who would get which bed for the night. Darren lost and he promptly decided that he didn’t want to take the chance either and ended up sleeping in the girls room with his wife. That pussy!
So all week, we’ve known about this bar called Coco Mongos or something like that. Apparently they have this challenge for customers. If you can down 15 shots of tequila, they’ll enshrine your name on their wall. For some reason, this sounded like a good challenge when I initially heard about it. By the end of today, I wasn’t so sure if it was such a good idea. I mean, I wanted to have my name on the wall forever, but I didn’t want it to say ‘R.I.P. Anthony Chu, October 12, 2006 - Suddenly died after his 13th shot’. I said if Darren would do it, I would do it, but Darren declined. I should also mention that the hotel’s had Darren’s name wrong the whole time we’ve been here. They had the reseveration and all written notes and letters addressed to Darren Doo. I don’t know why, but it’s just funny to us cause it just sounds so unusual. Anyway, Darren Doo said Darren Don’t so our claim to fame in Boracay became a pipe dream. No enshrined wall plaque for us!! Anyway, I think it was the right call, cause I don’t it woulda been worth it to down that many shots. I didn’t want to end up in a friggin village ‘hospital’ with some dirty tube down my throat. Our better judgement probably saved our lives.
So that was our day. It ended early tonight (around 10pm). Everyone’s tired from being in the sun and we wanted to get up early to get another stinky massage. So that’s it for now. Until we meet again. Over and out!
- Anthony
